I’m stuck, for now, with some sort of flu. It’s two-pronged and hideous. It sucks. First, there is the physical variety, as in, I can barely leave my bed. It came out of nowhere too. One night it just hit me: it hurt too badly to swallow, and I seemed to produce something like two gallons of phlegm. This is a problem.
Next. There’s this mental sickness, too (isn’t there always?), as I’m feeling that I’ve neglected too many precious friendships in the past. Sure, it made sense to let certain friendships deteriorate at the time. I usually had other things going, as well as one or two key, crucial friends that I had to put much effort into to keep afloat. But of course, years later, bedridden old me is experiencing old friends popping up. Sometimes as mere mental detritus, other times in an intense dream that permeates my thoughts throughout the day.
Poor me, right? I mean, really, we all experience this. Some of our friends may be literally dead, others have moved away and married, never to be seen again, and still others are just hard to get a hold of. So it’s not like we can do too much about these friendships in the present, aside from wax nostalgic and… and… wait!
There is a solution (for me, at least). You see, In my weak state I managed to pick up my DS and check out, finally, the Etrian Odyssey series. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s quite a niche RPG for the hardcore only — a dungeon crawler of sorts with minimal saves allowed and a game design for the masochistic.
It’s not bad, if you’re into that sort of thing. But what appeals to me about the game is its bizarre faceless, blank feeling. Its cardboard story, its laconic characters. Usually I’m story-hungry when it comes to RPGs, but the gameplay in Etrian Odyssey seems to suffice, and besides, I can make up my own story:
I’ve christened my guild “Dead-Up” — a name for a merry band of travelers that were once my friends. Of course, with the word ‘dead’ being in there, it could sound very zombie-like, very negative. But to me, “Dead-up” sounds a lot more like “1up”, or even “cheer-up!” A happy revival of now-dead friendships that could only appear in the imagination.
Sound depressing? It is. But keep reading — it’s an interesting experiment. Now, I’ve named all the group members appropriately, as well. In example: an old friend of mine was very soothing, very healing to the soul. Inevitably, she became a healer in the Dead-Up guild, staying in the back lines and taking care of the rest of us when appropriate. Another friend, a charming musician, ended up in the troubadour job class. By playing songs for the group, he helped everyone move more quickly, and with more strength.
Now, the big question: is this healthy? I’m not so sure, but if anything it’s a little less teary-eyed, and more cheerfully distracting than looking at old, weatherworn photos.
It’s hard when you realize how many relationships and friendships tend to end up distanced.
I’m 36 years old and suddenly I am very aware of how special my friendships are. I can’t wait for the day I get to meet you and your wife Austin. =) Hoping you are feeling much better by now. Love you, Livy